Things I Wish Didn’t Bother Me, But Do

  1. My co-worker thinks the sign in the bathroom stall saying “please flush” was written by the male custodian, but it’s clearly cutesy girl handwriting.
  2. A high school friend unfollowed me on Instagram.
  3. When I was 10, my cousin asked me for a Starburst but I only had a pink and a red left so I said no.
  4. People on their phone in the yoga studio before class.
  5. Miranda July says “farmiliar” when reading her story in The Writer’s Voice podcast.
  6. I told two pregnant women that their husbands could get their legs bitten off by tigers and it wouldn’t compare to labor contractions.
  7. I couldn’t finish Zadie Smith’s The Autograph Man.
  8. One time I meant to say “when my brother was born” but accidentally said “when my brother died.”
  9. My hair consistently getting caught on the garage door opener in my car.
  10. The next door neighbor’s walnut trees.

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